What a big adventure our little weekend turned out to be! The FoodSwings freedom fighters officially launched our PHO-OFF or as I like to call it our PHOFF and it all started in the land of Footscray.

Machetes poised and cars pimped up, we strolled along to Chu The (I know you just pronounced it like ‘Chu The MoFo that ate my Pho?’ but it’s not pronounced like that, and if that sentence rhymed, then you’re also pronouncing ‘Pho’ WRONG. It’s PHURR as in ‘Chu The MoFo that ate my PHUURRR’ – see, that’s much more credible.)

So what did we eat?

• JenHo + KTang: Pho Dac Biet – soup noodles with all the parts you knew about, and those that you didn’t. Tripe, brisket, rare beef slices, tendon…and then some.
• RayZha + WiFi: Pho Tai Nam – the staple soup noodles with sliced rare beef.
• JoHo: Pho NOT Tai Nam…ok so I’m not sure what the vegetarian pho is called in Vietnamese…*note, edit from JenHo required…

Pho Dac Biet

What I liked:

Like all good pho places, the meals came out onto our tables about 5 minutes before we even ordered. Maccas fast food service eat your heart out.

What I didn’t like:

Doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof…………doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof…………………….. doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof doof………….. doof doof doof doof……… doof doof doof doof [repeat from start].

Ain’t nothing like repetitive trance music to make you want to go on a shooting spree.

My top tip:

Go with someone who is familiar with eating pho or speaks and reads Vietnamese. Otherwise just order #1 on the menu. If it’s first on the menu, it’s gotta be their signature dish right? If you get bulls penis pho as a result, it’s not my fault…I told you to go with a Viet.

My Rating: Pho The Win! 7/10.

Unfortunately Chu The would’ve gotten a higher rating had it been located in a place where dogs don’t vomit on the street.

-KTang

92 Hopkins Street
Footscray
Phone 9687 8265

I was at a house warming last week. I had a big dinner prior to this party. But out came the chips. They were pretty badly burnt, but still….edible-ish. I think I cleaned up half the bowl (to balance this I cleaned up the carrot sticks cucumber pieces and celery sticks).

When I was growing up, I wasn’t allowed to eat chips, chocolate or lollies because my mum said that it might inflame my bronchitis.

You should see me at staff meetings now…

-WiFi

PS. Also, I thought the video was funny because I can just imagine KTang stuffing her face with cake (even though she’s more of a savoury person)

I recently went to Misty’s Diner in Prahran, an authentic American style burger joint where you could probably ask for more grease on your grease at no extra cost.

One word to sum it up would be HEART…well, technically it should be HEART-ATTACK, but you probably won’t get around to saying ‘attack’ because you’ll be too busy going into cardiac arrest after eating here.

Now I’m all for the greased up food and I’ll eat a good bucket of KFC over a salad any day, but this diner might as well have been called ‘Come in if you want to wipe 10 years off your life’ because the food there was so bad for you, looking at it made me gain 10 kilos.

So what did I eat?

• Wet fries: shoe string fries topped with maccas cheese slices (I swear it looked just like it) and beef gravy, baked in the oven. But damn, what a bad name. Might as well have called it Bad Name Fries instead.
• Cheese and chilli fries: shoe string fries topped with more maccas cheese and chilli con carne.
• Boneless ribs with smokey bbq sauce: yup they were boneless alright. But what they don’t tell you is that it’s just pork mince that some teenager in the kitchen has sat on, ovened it and cut it into 2cm wide strips. The only thing going for this dish was the fact that the bbq sauce really was smokey – but then that might have just been a fluke from mixing with the ash that was in the air from our recent bushfires.
• Chai latte: I thought to myself, the dudes in the US have cinnamon gum…surely they’re ok at cinnamin ‘other-stuff’. No. I. Was. Wrong. So so wrong. If you like chai latte, do yourself a favour and get a hot chocolate instead.
• A sip of Reese’s Thickshake: consisted of crushed Reese’s, ice-cream, milk, peanut butter, chocolate sauce, topped with cream, more chocolate sauce and Reese’s puff cereal. All I had was one sip and I’m still buzzing a week later from my sugar high.

What I liked:

So the chick there really was called Misty and she gave us a free chilli dog (hot dog topped with chilli con carne). I’m all for free stuff, so I thought that was pretty neat.

What I didn’t like:

There wasn’t one oversized waiter. What a good opportunity for marketing wasted.

My top tip:

Call for an ambulance in advance so that they can arrive just as you’ve finished eating and start having chest pains.

My Rating: Capital N for Nasty = 2/10.

103-105 High Street
Prahran VIC 3181
Phone 9510 0033

I ordered a Chicken Parmigiana from The Oxford Scholar yesterday and I swear the chicken was in the shape of a heart…

But workmates there said, that’s just what the shape of a cut chicken breast.

-WiFi

Feast your eyes : Nothing but A grade food porn here.

HU TONG DUMPLING BAR

14-16 Market Lane, Melbourne
Phone 03 9650 8128

Look no further than HuTong Dumpling Bar.

Item #1 on the menu is their Xiao Long Bao (a.k.a. Shanghai Mini Pork Bun). It is their specialty, it is my little bundle of joy filled with delectable pork juice that squirts everywhere when you eat it.

Dishes to try: Xiao Long Bao, Xiao Long Bao, Xiao Long Bao, Xiao Long Bao and if you have room to spare, try their fried dumplings.

Average price: in a group, you’ll probably end up spending around $15-$20 a head.

Be prepared to: wait. The only bad things about this place are the service and the wait…but then again, good asian food is generally accompanied with bad service, and they’re probably mean because they have to watch you stuff yourself with dumplings all day.

How to eat your xiao long bao: whatever you do, DO NOT break the parcel when you pick it up, otherwise you will have committed a crime against mankind punishable by repeated closing of a car door over your head.

My recommended steps:
1. Use your CHOPSTICKS and gingerly place them at the top of the dumpling
2. Gently swing the dumpling back and forth if it is stuck to the paper beneath
3. Keep swinging until it is free
4. Do not get impatient. Keep swinging
5. Once free, let it have a moment in your vinegar bath
6. Place the bundle of joy on your spoon
7. Bite and suck straight away – don’t waste that pork juice!
8. Eat the rest quickly so you can start from step 1 again and eat your 295th xiao long bao.